(The title is from the movie
Gone in 60 Seconds when the little brother of Nicolas Cage's character introduces his gang of pals to the ol' guys... he goes through each one's skills and when he gets to the last guy he says "[the character's name] can order pizza like nobody's business" (or something to that affect - do you use "affect" or "effect" there?) and the guy responds a little humiliated, "hey, people gotta eat right?" Good story huh?)
On Sunday we had a bunch of people over... around 30. On top of the 8 or so of us present. I don't know if we ever got the final number, but it was definitely the largest gathering we've had. Who were these people? Let's just start from the beginning.
So a long long time ago, three girls, strangers, adversaries in fact... were sitting around doing whatever it is they did a long long time ago in the shadows of the glorious Flatirons in Boulder, CO (that's Colorado). The blond-haired one was (it turns out I do know what they were doing) singing, dancing, acting, and developing cures for diseases like nueralgic methadonal propalitis, acute immunoacidocide-onia, and cat scratch fever. The blondy-brownish-haired (I don't know if dirty blond is politically correct - p.s. I'm not a big fan of the new fad of calling politically correct "pc"... I don't know why, it's just weird) one was only inhaling (don't ask me how) without exhaling to decrease CO2 emissions all while planting trees and hugging every one of them she put in the ground. And the brown-haired one was making delectable "oatmeal cookies, peanut butter bars, dark chocolate macadamian nut wedges" and then "frecada cheese and appracot creusants, and moca bars with an almond glaze, and lemon shiffon cake with zesty peach icing" (this part of the story isn't true to Lindsey and no doubt has a lot of spelling mistakes, but if you can guess the movie it's from, I will, on my great-great-grandfather's grave, give you .10 bucks). Each doing her part to bring joy and peace to a turbulent and corrupt world. Everyone loved them and they loved everyone, except each other. You see, there was this very attractive boy...
His name was Baabhey and he owned these shoes and these shoes were made of gold and this gold had diamonds in it and inside these diamonds, was the power to control men. BUT, these three didn't care about any of that, because they weren't just your ordinary high school drama-crazed females, they were strong independent women. These shoes had other powers, secret powers. They could bring a cure to all feline related illnesses, bring global cooling and millions magical dessert recipes to all the earth and with it, peace and restoration.
But Baabhey loved his shoes and would never give them up. And since he was so handsome, all the world fell under his beautiful spell and never challenged him for the shoes. The blond-haired girl, the blondy-brownish-haired girl and the brown-haired girl were the only people not controlled by Baabhey's hunkyness. Each, on their own, had tried to retrieve the shoes and save the world. You'd think they would have united, but they never communicated their expectations or reasons for their actions and so there relationship revolved around competition and distrust.
But one day, blondy-brownish-haired girl was walking along and she found a lemon snowball cookie on the ground. She picked it up, wiped it off, and took a bite. Well it was the most scrumptious lemon snowball cookie she'd ever eaten. Licking the lemony-goodness off her fingers, savoring every second the flavors tickled her taste buds, she ran off trying to find the baker of the tantalizing cookie. But alas, she couldn't find anyone who could reproduce the lemon snowball cookie. Depressed, blondy-brownish-haired girl decided to honor the baker and the cookie by planting a lemon tree on the site she found the cookie. Weeks went by, blondy-brownish-haired girl seeped deeper into her sorrow, but the tree grew strong and produced the brightest yellow lemons ever, brighter than the brightest light-bulb in the world, or the brightest sun ever seen, or the biggest highlighter that's brighter than anything ever. Anywho, a few days later, blond-haired girl was walking along and found the beautiful lemon tree. Blond-haired girl was tired from walking a lot and was hungry, so she picked a lemon and ate it. Air built up in her lungs until she belted the most lovely song about how sweet the lemon was. She couldn't stop singing. Blondy-brownish-haired girl heard the song and was dazzled by its heavinliness. She ran towards the sound. The two met and talked about why blond-haired girl was singing and how blondy-brownish-haired girl had planted the lemons. Both were overcome with joy!! As they talked, they saw girl in a home crying as she put something into the oven. Conquered by compassion, blondy-brownish-haired girl and blond-haired girl went and asked what her deal was. She told them how she had this cat that scratched itself nearly to death and was at a kitty hospital recovering, but the cat would not stop scratching itself and had to be drugged so it would stop. The girl didn't know what to do. But blond-haired girl began to sing an uplifting ballad of thanks. Blondy-brownish-haired girl and the other girl looked at each other confused by her joy. But blond-haired girl explained she knew what was wrong with the cat and could cure its disease (cat scratch fever). The three hugged and jumped for joy!! As they talked they discovered that this girl with the cat had baked the lemon snowball cookies and was making more!! So the three hung out and ate cookies all through the night and became the bestest of friends. And they made a pledge... to find a way, together, to recover the shoes from Baabhey and save the world.
Well, it turned out the shoes were just a couple of Jordan's painted gold and had no magical powers. But the three are still "bff's" and have continued since to bring joy and peace to the world through healing, love, restoration, and of course, lemon snowball cookies. And Baabhey fell in love with blond-haired girl and are living happily ever after.
So that's it. I guess it just goes to show you that it pays to eat shit off the ground.
Huh? What dinner? I don't know what you're talking about? OH OH right, Sunday. Well, blond-haired girl is Katrina Koclanes, the brown-haired girl is Lindsey Vaughan (who both live in the house) and the blondy-brownish-haired girl is Caitlin Seeley. Caitlin works for Green Corps
(www.greencorps.org ), an organization working across the nation advocating for the protection of the beautiful planet we've been given. They were having a training thingy in Denver and so thirty or so of her colleagues came over and we (Lindsey) made 'em some grub. So that's the story of a cookie brought 30 people to our house for a bake potatoe bar.
I thank all of you that live with me for loving me, forgiving me, accepting me, and enjoying me (assuming you still do).
