(IMPORTANT MODIFICATIONS MADED) We Got a New Printer And Other Exciting Stimulations

Yep, maded... the past-past tense of make.

Yeah, so we got a new printer. People spent some time with their families for Christmas. Other people went out of town and then came back. We haven't washed our sofa cover since September. Kiley has a rash. Tonight we are having caesar salad for dinner. Jason (a house crony), Chaz, Jeff and I found out we didn't own the movie we had planned on watching for guys night (Fight Club) and then could not find our second option (Boondock Saints) we were positive we did own. My fly is down. We seem to have lost all of our dish towels... or they have been stolen (If you have any information, please go to www.crimeshurt.com and make a report). Mel sold her computer. A lamp sitting in the main room has been there since moving, yet has never been plugged in.

Quote of the hour:

"Things aren't just going to plop in your little un-zippered pants, Kelley." - Mel

Quote of the week:

"The world doesn't need people." - Jefe


How'd you like to see everyone's face that lives here? I knew you would....


Pete is a rock star with pants to prove it (Go to one of his band's shows to see them - speakeasytiger.com - the pants I mean, although the band is definitely worth seeing as well).











This is Jeff, and in order to make sure Katie is always a part of his life, he ate her.








This is Mary, and she loves food.








Katie and Lindsey doing what they do best... holding bird carcasses over the sink, I guess.










Umm... I'm not sure who this is













This is Brittney (or Brit or Brit-Fu or Funky Fuster or... she's got a lot of nicknames) and Chaz, aka Mac 'N' Chaz.









Melanie, Mel, or Melsie (she loves uneaten turkey legs, and was obviously disappointed when she found this one)












Katrina and her soon-to-be husband and her recently-became fiance, Alan








Me, known best as "Kelley" (What? Really? Huh, no one has ever told me that's a girl's name before.)









And our doggie! Kiwwweeyy!! (Kiley)

People Gotta Eat Right?

(The title is from the movie Gone in 60 Seconds when the little brother of Nicolas Cage's character introduces his gang of pals to the ol' guys... he goes through each one's skills and when he gets to the last guy he says "[the character's name] can order pizza like nobody's business" (or something to that affect - do you use "affect" or "effect" there?) and the guy responds a little humiliated, "hey, people gotta eat right?" Good story huh?)

On Sunday we had a bunch of people over... around 30. On top of the 8 or so of us present. I don't know if we ever got the final number, but it was definitely the largest gathering we've had. Who were these people? Let's just start from the beginning.

So a long long time ago, three girls, strangers, adversaries in fact... were sitting around doing whatever it is they did a long long time ago in the shadows of the glorious Flatirons in Boulder, CO (that's Colorado). The blond-haired one was (it turns out I do know what they were doing) singing, dancing, acting, and developing cures for diseases like nueralgic methadonal propalitis, acute immunoacidocide-onia, and cat scratch fever. The blondy-brownish-haired (I don't know if dirty blond is politically correct - p.s. I'm not a big fan of the new fad of calling politically correct "pc"... I don't know why, it's just weird) one was only inhaling (don't ask me how) without exhaling to decrease CO2 emissions all while planting trees and hugging every one of them she put in the ground. And the brown-haired one was making delectable "oatmeal cookies, peanut butter bars, dark chocolate macadamian nut wedges" and then "frecada cheese and appracot creusants, and moca bars with an almond glaze, and lemon shiffon cake with zesty peach icing" (this part of the story isn't true to Lindsey and no doubt has a lot of spelling mistakes, but if you can guess the movie it's from, I will, on my great-great-grandfather's grave, give you .10 bucks). Each doing her part to bring joy and peace to a turbulent and corrupt world. Everyone loved them and they loved everyone, except each other. You see, there was this very attractive boy...

His name was Baabhey and he owned these shoes and these shoes were made of gold and this gold had diamonds in it and inside these diamonds, was the power to control men. BUT, these three didn't care about any of that, because they weren't just your ordinary high school drama-crazed females, they were strong independent women. These shoes had other powers, secret powers. They could bring a cure to all feline related illnesses, bring global cooling and millions magical dessert recipes to all the earth and with it, peace and restoration.

But Baabhey loved his shoes and would never give them up. And since he was so handsome, all the world fell under his beautiful spell and never challenged him for the shoes. The blond-haired girl, the blondy-brownish-haired girl and the brown-haired girl were the only people not controlled by Baabhey's hunkyness. Each, on their own, had tried to retrieve the shoes and save the world. You'd think they would have united, but they never communicated their expectations or reasons for their actions and so there relationship revolved around competition and distrust.

But one day, blondy-brownish-haired girl was walking along and she found a lemon snowball cookie on the ground. She picked it up, wiped it off, and took a bite. Well it was the most scrumptious lemon snowball cookie she'd ever eaten. Licking the lemony-goodness off her fingers, savoring every second the flavors tickled her taste buds, she ran off trying to find the baker of the tantalizing cookie. But alas, she couldn't find anyone who could reproduce the lemon snowball cookie. Depressed, blondy-brownish-haired girl decided to honor the baker and the cookie by planting a lemon tree on the site she found the cookie. Weeks went by, blondy-brownish-haired girl seeped deeper into her sorrow, but the tree grew strong and produced the brightest yellow lemons ever, brighter than the brightest light-bulb in the world, or the brightest sun ever seen, or the biggest highlighter that's brighter than anything ever. Anywho, a few days later, blond-haired girl was walking along and found the beautiful lemon tree. Blond-haired girl was tired from walking a lot and was hungry, so she picked a lemon and ate it. Air built up in her lungs until she belted the most lovely song about how sweet the lemon was. She couldn't stop singing. Blondy-brownish-haired girl heard the song and was dazzled by its heavinliness. She ran towards the sound. The two met and talked about why blond-haired girl was singing and how blondy-brownish-haired girl had planted the lemons. Both were overcome with joy!! As they talked, they saw girl in a home crying as she put something into the oven. Conquered by compassion, blondy-brownish-haired girl and blond-haired girl went and asked what her deal was. She told them how she had this cat that scratched itself nearly to death and was at a kitty hospital recovering, but the cat would not stop scratching itself and had to be drugged so it would stop. The girl didn't know what to do. But blond-haired girl began to sing an uplifting ballad of thanks. Blondy-brownish-haired girl and the other girl looked at each other confused by her joy. But blond-haired girl explained she knew what was wrong with the cat and could cure its disease (cat scratch fever). The three hugged and jumped for joy!! As they talked they discovered that this girl with the cat had baked the lemon snowball cookies and was making more!! So the three hung out and ate cookies all through the night and became the bestest of friends. And they made a pledge... to find a way, together, to recover the shoes from Baabhey and save the world.

Well, it turned out the shoes were just a couple of Jordan's painted gold and had no magical powers. But the three are still "bff's" and have continued since to bring joy and peace to the world through healing, love, restoration, and of course, lemon snowball cookies. And Baabhey fell in love with blond-haired girl and are living happily ever after.

So that's it. I guess it just goes to show you that it pays to eat shit off the ground.

Huh? What dinner? I don't know what you're talking about? OH OH right, Sunday. Well, blond-haired girl is Katrina Koclanes, the brown-haired girl is Lindsey Vaughan (who both live in the house) and the blondy-brownish-haired girl is Caitlin Seeley. Caitlin works for Green Corps (www.greencorps.org ), an organization working across the nation advocating for the protection of the beautiful planet we've been given. They were having a training thingy in Denver and so thirty or so of her colleagues came over and we (Lindsey) made 'em some grub. So that's the story of a cookie brought 30 people to our house for a bake potatoe bar.

I thank all of you that live with me for loving me, forgiving me, accepting me, and enjoying me (assuming you still do).

Just the Meat and Potatoes (:AMENDED:)

A parent lee (read it fast) you guys actually do read this thing because people keep begging me (seriously on their hands and knees... it's kind of sad really how much they hang on every word) to write something on this here bloog (pronounced blue-g, it's like a British accent thing - Fu! British. Score). So here you go

So, what's been going on in the house you ask... funny you should ask... I thought you'd never ask...

Well, to be honest, we're just livin' life. A lot of us continue to struggle with things personally and as a house. We are learning healthy ways of dealing with conflict and wounds and communication and expectations. There appears to be some healing taking place in the last couple weeks from some of the disconnection we've been experiencing. I think we're learning a lot about ourselves - in the ways we love and receive love; in the ways we regenerate and the importance of that; what motivates us; what inhibits us... Every day, I think each of us would admit we learn something new about relating to one another and living a life gooped and gobbed in this complex thing called love.

We had Housegiving on Sunday with almost all of us - the food was swell and the company delicious. There was a lot of singing... but that isn't anything new. Kiley got some new toys and pushes them with her nose to make them squeak. Katie, Lindsey, Jeff, with the help of our new friend Hayley and others put up Christmas decorations. Jeff got his horn for the Limo. The House Favorite might have done dishes in a thong, socks and a badass "do-rag" as some call it. Pete, Jeff, Chaz, and I all took part in No-Shave November - here's the wrap-up... Pete has grown his out since the middle of Nov and will until he has a show with his eighties band where he has promised me to leave a mustache (just play along and tell him it's sexy)... Chaz has a nice, rich beard that makes him look, well, exactly like his overall persona of outdoorsy, rich, intelligent, mature, and humble badassness... Jeff had the longest beard, but had to shave it to look presentable at a friend's wedding... ***My bushel grew for about 10 days and it was gross. I was in class thinking how horribly bad I wanted to go to Target, buy a razor and cream and go shave in a bathroom on campus. Brit works at a drive-through Starbucks and the other day a woman ordered "a large and small Starbucks" - obviously the woman was confused. Pete's dad came to visit a couple weeks ago and we all learned why Pete is who he is. Both are incredibly intelligent and scientific and numbers and methods and figures and equations... it was like the twilight zone. The house has a soccer team that plays about once a week and we had our first couple games the last two weeks. We got dominated, but we're all winners... seriously, we are... we are. We have two games this weekend... don't be shy, come watch us play!

More on Leonardo DiCaprio - he really is a good actor now. No joke.

Speaking of the word "joke", the other day a friend was asking me about how the house operates... you know, who cooks and who shops for food and who organizes money and such... and of course I told them. My name never came up. So this person asked me what I do in the house. After a good pause, I said, "Make jokes." It was funny because it was true, it's all I do around here. To me and the people there anyway. The point of all this is just to say that when you can't meet the standards of those who misunderstand you, just smile and pat 'em on the back. You should be writing this stuff down.

The title of this blog entry is dedicated to my pals, my good-buddies, my compatriots, Pete and Jeff.

War, what do we stand for?

Last night the boys and I watched Band of Brothers as we usually do on Tuesday nights. Most of the time, I am desensitized to the war and violence. But last night was different.

This night we watched Part 6, depicting Easy Company's experience in the Battle of the Bulge in Bastogne, Belgium. Like many of the other five parts we've watched, it focused on one soldier, a medic as he took care of his fellow soldiers and scrapped together sparse medical supplies. He regularly rushed dying soldiers to the city of Bastogne for better treatment from the frontline. In Bastogne, which was completely cut-off from ally support, a church was filled with soldiers in pain from gun shots and shrapnel wounds. As the episode went on, the medic became more and more detached from the death around him.

In one scene, a young soldier, following the order of his superior, moved forward into an open position. He was shot in the neck. A gun fight ensued as the young man fought for breath and reached out for rescue from his brothers. One shouted to him, yelling at him to hold on and to stop moving (if the Germans saw him moving, they'd keep shooting at him). The soldier laid there, blood flowing out his throat, watching as the other soldiers retreated with no way to get to him. His friends never got back to his body.

Where did we ever learn that killing each other solved anything? When one enemy is killed, won't their collaborators, friends, or family vow to take their place? We send our young men and women to change the hearts of our enemies by dominating them, by forcing them to see our perspective... does that make any sense? Did any of you have a domineering parent? How'd that turn out?

What is wrong with us? We really believe dropping bombs fixes or heals? We really believe sticking a needle in a murderer's arm will give a mother peace? Why can't we treat each other with justice and kindness and mercy? Why in our families do we keep grudges that remain unsaid? Why can't we humble ourselves? Why do we fight for our respect as if we treated others well enough to deserve it? Why do friends become enemies because of a disagreement? Is this how we want to live? Stuck in our ways, with blinders, unyielding in our pursuit of standing up for our principles? Isn't your child, your brother, your mother, your father, your friend, the bus driver, the neighbor more important? Why do we struggle to love? I mean, it's ridiculous. The only thing of any real value in this life gets so clouded by success and money and pride. We are so bad at this stuff. We manipulate instead of serve. We resent instead of reconcile. We lie instead of admit our wrongs. We pursue success rather than justice.

I don't want to live that way. I do, but I don't want to. I don't want to contribute to the world's set ways. And I don't want to grow older and forget this idealistic thinking or believe it to be childish and immature. I don't want to forget and get complacent. I won't.

The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. - Martin Luther King Jr., Strength To Love

One Step Back, Two Forward

So we haven't done the whole anecdote update thing in a while so now is as good a time as any... well actually now is the best time... no now!

Pete bought some pants... they are... uh... very tight.  Last weekend we went up to a cabin in the mountains and Kiley got to hike and play outside all day.  But now her hips are incredibly sore and she has basically been bed-ridden for two days.  When she gets up to eat, she stands on only three legs at a time.  Poor pooch.  Mary poured out perfectly good coffee to re-brew a pot of Caribou Coffee (where she works).  Also while we were at the cabin, we were reminiscing about elementary school.  Mary asked if everyone remembered "Learning Rainbow" and since it's called Reading Rainbow, I asked "Do you?"  It was funny... had to be there.  Jeff finally got his limo - he drives it to work, to the store, to the movies, on dates with Katie, everywhere.  It is his car.  He also got a PA system for it so he can sing to drivers and ask them kindly to change lanes if they're going too slow (if you are a police officer, this is a joke). It also is a horn system that will play all your favorite tunes including 50 cent.  Chaz is hairy... but not on his back.  There may or may not have been some cross-dressing this week.

So yesterday I was watching Blood Diamond (great movie and Leonardo DiCaprio is amazing in it - I know he has a bad stigma because of Titanic, but think about his performances in The Gangs of New York, Blood Diamond, and The Departed - "you wanna chop m'up an' feed me ta da puoor?!" - priceless).  So I wrote out this long story about this situation with Katrina and the movie and it was stupid... so I'm just going to keep this part to share my love of DiCaprio with all of you.

Okay, I'm putting the not very funny anecdotal stories on pause to talk about our Monday meeting.  We knew going into the night that it might be emotional and stressful, but I certainly did not expect my own reaction.  I'm not sure how to explain it while still respecting the situation and the house...

By the end of our meeting, I found myself ripped apart by the pain existing in this house right now.  I wanted so bad to support and love and mend and I fear all I ended up doing was the opposite.  I couldn't fix it.  I can't fix it.  I cannot heal.  I can only support someone as they're healed.    

-- I know I'm not being clear on the problem we're dealing with.  I don't know if I ever will be so that I may respect the house's privacy, but I will continue to share the parts I can and the struggles of our hearts and minds -- 

I think maybe some of us or perhaps all of us looked at our current situation in the house and think that if we are having this significant of an issue, then maybe we are failing... Are we?  Or is this something that has to happen?  Can something so painful and dividing be good?  Do steps back mean steps forward?  

Growing up I always heard a saying, "Life's a bitch, and then you die... and life's still a bitch."  Not exactly an up-er.  And not exactly truth.  But sometimes life's solutions aren't the ones we want.  Sometimes life isn't meant to be fought against.  I get this picture in my head of myself in a fast, turbulent river and it is doing everything it can to pull me down its path.  But I am clenching on to this little shrub and the roots are slowly giving way.  It is the only thing keeping me from being carried away by a current I have no control over.  I don't know what to do.  I'm am overwhelmed with fear.  If I reach out with my other hand to grab the shrub tighter, I am sure it will come free.  If I try to use it to pull myself on the embankment, I am sure it will come free.  I am left with a choice.  To let go, give up, and let the current decide my fate, or stay holding onto this unstable shrub.  It may keep me from drowning, but it may never free me.  This is an incredibly difficult choice.  It is my life I'm debating about.  Neither decision is safe.  And with either, my future is unknown.  But the shrub seems more safe than the white rapids rushing passed me, crashing into rocks and rushing over themselves.           

We have to let go.  We have to trust and know that something will see us to the end.  Otherwise, there is no reason to release your grasp.  But I believe rescue awaits anyone who will give up his fight, put his feet in front of him, look up, and let the river float you where it wants. 

Freedom.  

Sink Holes

I don't know how to adequately describe the time in this house or how much the support of this family has meant to me and changed my life. Some of us have called the last three months the honey-moon period. The house is new, the people wonderful, and the neighborhood charming and exciting. No matter what we faced, it seemed inconceivable that the situation would not have a solution. But now we are beginning to see we will be growing with each other in a new way.

Over the last couple weeks things have shifted. Issues in the house and issues with each other that we have not given enough attention to are piling up. Communication, expectations, selfless and proactive service, goals, conflicting lifestyles, priorities, openness and honesty -- these issues continue to come to the forefront of our relationships. How do we confront each other? When do we confront each other? Do we confront each other? How do we connect with the personalities least like ours? How do we actively love in spite of the things that annoy us? When we have so much confusion and difficulty surrounding our personal lives, how do we keep the focus off ourselves? And how do we keep our problems from affecting those relationships?

At the top, on the blog heading, Jeff wrote that this is a "project... trying to be a semi-functional family". So far, we've done pretty well, but this house is at a cross-roads and it's left with a decision. Will we put in the work necessary to invest in each other, support each other, continue to work towards our goals, try to heal the wounds we inflict on each other, and be a genuine loving family, or will we choose the easy route - complacent, surface-level, just some good times, buddies?

I'm not trying to paint a morbid picture of the state of the house, because things on the surface are still going very well. But hidden underneath, are problems that could do a lot of damage and separate us if they are not dealt with. I know the desire of our hearts is to work through this time, to fight for each other and for something bigger and more beautiful than ourselves.

Dream - a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal

With each gift that you share
You may heal and repair
With each choice you make
You may help someone's day
Well I know you are strong
May your journey be long
And now I wish you the best of luck

Xavier Rudd - "Messages"

You know those lyrics in songs that just make you want to live differently? That challenge you and spark your imagination about what life could be like? This verse from Xavier Rudd does this for me.

I'm not sure exactly why I bring that up. I guess... Well... It has to do with something that happened a few nights ago that has been on my mind a lot. Near our house, a woman started jarring with Jeff and I verbally because we wouldn't buy something from her. We were taken aback because this anger seemed to come out of nowhere. In this process, I believe her heart cried out to us, sharing her pain by revealing some choices she is making. What could I have done? Are there words to give hope and show love to this woman who believes in nothing but her own worthlessness? I know this story is vague, and I keep it that way out of some sort of respect for the situation, but... I don't know.

I will never be that woman or know how she feels. Yet I have felt the sting of this world and genuinely considered the positives of leaving it. But I'm also living in new found freedom and a love I've never experienced before (in no way am I suggesting it's perfect or simply or easy, 'cause it ain't... it's just better, more beautiful, more joyful... good). Could I have shared my journey with her and given her hope that life can improve? I don't know. I didn't. I walked away, without any significant response. I regret not saying more. I regret not taking the risk that the words might have revived something in her forgotten and broken heart (In no way am I trying to discredit this woman or make her into someone deserving only our pity... but rather our respect and love and compassion). But that didn't happen, I walked away.

All the time while you're looking away
There are things you can do man
There's things you can say
To the the ones you're with
With whom you're spending your today
Get your gaze off tomorrow
And let come what may

John Butler Trio - "Better Than"

Our kids. Our wives. Our friends. Our mothers, fathers, sisters, co-workers, DMV employees, punk who cuts us off on Monday morning, boyfriends, enemies, in-laws, maids, bosses, and our roommates who drink too much Dr. Pepper (Me). What if we left in the morning and smiled to the people we walked past, the people on our bus? What if we were honest and stood up to our bosses? What if we couldn't wait for five o'clock so we could drive home to our wives and remind them who they are to us? What if? What if we decided what is mine, is everyone's? What if we realized the current moment was the most important?What if we remembered which experiences really brought us joy and life? And what if we said something to the people who really need to hear from us? And didn't walk away? Or stay silent?

It's a dream. Certainly not a new one. Sure, it's ideal, unachievable and maybe even childish to wish for it, but wouldn't you rather be a part of it? Trying to love unselfishly and openly?

I'm sure you're all very inspired to live loving everyone and everything after reading the kind of wisdom 22 long years brings. It is so challenging sometimes just to be not mean, let alone kind and compassionate. It's a battle. I just want to win more than I lose. Or at least, win more. Who knows, maybe this cult thing I live in has just gotten to me. Here's a couple more of those lyrics that comfort or challenge me and change my perspective. (ps - we're not a cult... but that's what a cult would say... so how can I prove it? Cults don't call themselves cults and in the joke above, I did. Now you're on the trolley.)

U2 - "Sometime You Can't Make it on Your Own"

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...

Tenth Avenue North - "By Your Side"

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

Robbie Seay Band - "Breathing Air Again"

Take the time to start anew
Maybe it's in front of you
Take the time to walk down your street
And heaven knows who you might meet
Take the time to be okay
And laugh a bit along the way
You could take me for a ride
We could just drive all day
And we could breathe again
Step outside our front door
And gaze upon the stars
And know we're not alone
So run into the fields
Scream louder than you can
It's good to be alive
And breathing air again
Take the time to stop and stare
Heaven's beauty everywhere
Take the time to think about
Someone else besides yourself
Take the time to be okay
And laugh a bit along the way